We all have those days when everything implodes.
I had that day over the last few days when you can’t think straight, emotionally you feel like a puddle on the floor. My body feels agitated and I am crawling out of my skin.
My ego is shouting “That’s it you are done, it’s all over. Nothing will work. Just give up”
I know the void can be uncomfortable. That place between letting go of one side of a cliff to actually be able to leap to the other. But it feels like dying today. I am terrified.
I remember it well since I seem to create these spaces every so often and they are excruciating. Like the rug is being pulled all the way out from under you. Energetically, transformation feels absolutely terrifying to my ego. Like literally forcing it to jump off the cliff.
I have been crying and meditating and praying all morning. I can’t find any soothing spaces.
I finally pulled some oracle cards I work with regularly and it so lovingly acknowledges what my intuition was trying to get across to me. You are in a time of speeded up transition. Just let go and trust.
Right? Tiny word full of enormous meaning. TRUST.
My ego mind is like trust what? How? When? For how long? Are you f$?!cking kidding me?
Yep. Trust. Let go and Trust. I call again on my Goddess Rising “Maha Lakshmi”, who I have been supported by for many years now. I can’t even feel her, I am so far in the void. I just ask her for her to keep an eye on me.
This is when sleep becomes very inviting. I hardly ever nap but it feels right. It is a place the mind can let go easier. It was soothing to my nervous system that was staring at the Grand Canyon gap between cliff edges I was standing on.
Afterwards I distract myself. I go do errands despite not wanting to be with people. I am irritable and grouchy. My ego is looking for everything it can complain about.
And wherever I go, people ere wonderful, kind and caring to me. Like the Universe is saying “It’s ok, be scared and we are here to love you.” It is annoying and it works. My heart relaxes and opens. I decide to I would ride it out and stop resisting the fall. I would trust.
And eating some awesome organic ice cream helped!
So I went on as if, I was trusting and letting go and leaping in to the void of the gap. I went to bed early for more soothing of my nerves. I made my ego shut up and stop trying to fix things. What a relief.
I woke up at 300am. It has snowed outside. It feels magical.
I am receiving this download. It feels like clarity in my body, mind and spirit. I can see the path. I can feel some ground. This presence or awareness helps soothe my fear. It guides me. I write for awhile. I thank myself for letting go and receiving. I thank my Goddess Rising and other spiritual support I sense is present. I can breathe deeply and fully surrender now.
I can recognize this feeling in my body and remember all the times in my life that I had this discomfort, fear, void. I can see it like a blueprint in my life- this pattern of feeling stuck, alone, afraid and needing to let go and re-experience my greater perception and view of life.
I don’t try and hold onto the experience like my ego wants. I don’t let it try and figure it out. I go back to sleep. I trust it will be there in the morning.
It is. I am back. My body feels calmer, my mind feels at ease and my spirit feels intact. I have made it through another roller-coaster transition. I know it is OK.
If only my ego could remember this. If only I could trust all the time.
Now that is a fantastic idea! Not that I haven’t considered this before but it somehow feels more possible today. Just today is all I can shoot for. This moment. Right now.
I will see what life brings today and keep my heart and soul open to the experience….
Facing your own transition? Want to know what your Goddess Rising is? Connect with me.